This is a helpful guide on the differences between good habits and bad habits and what that actually looks like in your life. I go into detail about how I used the science behind habits to build better habits for my life.
What’s the best part?
I’m going to give real life examples of how to change some of your bad habits and how to identify your cues and rewards around the habits – you’ll love it!
Let’s get started!
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This post was originally written in November 2020 and has been updated.
How to Build Good Habits and Ditch the Bad Habits
Definition of good habits
I’ll say this more than once but good and bad are all relative. However, a common definition of “good habits” is:
A positive behavior pattern that could start or continue with willpower and/or change with a cue and/or reward.
In this Thesaurus, it specifies a healthy habit as one that benefits your physical or mental health.
I personally have a lot of good habits in my life in my opinion: spending time in the Bible, working out regularly, going for walks with my spouse, and taking care of my weekly planning routine. Many of these habits have taken years to really settle into place, but now, they feel like a part of me!
So, what is a bad habit then?
Definition of bad habits
Again, I STRONGLY dislike the word “bad” because it’s so subjective. There is really no go to list of exact bad habits that everyone in the world should stop. But there are some common pieces of what makes a bad habit.
A very basic definition of “bad habits” is:
A negative behavior pattern that you continue to do that you could stop with willpower and/or a change in the cue or reward.
Oftentimes, it’s hard to pinpoint what exactly is a “good habit,” but it’s much easier to say what is NOT a good habit. So let’s talk more about this!
Generally speaking, bad habits are bad for one or more of the reasons below (just to name a few, in no particular order):
- It holds you back from becoming your best.
- It impacts your health or well-being in a negative way.
- It is gross by society’s standards.
- It goes against customs and courtesies of the culture you live in.
- It prohibits you from living your best life.
- It divides relationships rather than working towards improving relationships.
- It puts boundaries on your goals.
- It distracts you from your priorities.
- It doesn’t add value to your day and isn’t necessary for living.
- It doesn’t lift your mood.
- It doesn’t relate to your intention or purpose for the day.
- It’s looked down upon by your faith.
- It’s looked down upon by what you hold yourself to be.
- It doesn’t align with the values you say are important.
- It doesn’t align with who you say you are or who you want to be.
- It offends people you care about.
- It offends others in society.
I want to make a HUGE distinction here. Just because you might have “bad habits” (hint: we all do!), doesn’t make you a BAD person.
I urge you NOT to get caught up in good and bad. We all already have habits, it’s a matter of changing them (if you want to align more with and support your health and life goals)!
Remember, a habit, whether good or bad, is simply a behavior pattern that is stuck in a habit loop with a cue and a reward. Habits can be changed and are not a reflection of who you are as a person.
At this point you may be wondering, how does a habit become a habit anyway? And what is a habit loop?
Great question! Let’s discuss.
What is a habit loop?
The habit loop is a phrase mentioned by Charles DuHigg in his book Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business. James Clear also discusses the habit loop in his book, Atomic Habits, which by the way is a MUST read if you’d really like to deep dive into habits.
In this post, I simply brush the surface and talk about things I’ve seen in my own life and others’ lives. If you really want to better understand the neuroscience behind habits as well as some really practical application tips check out the two books listed above.
So, back to the definition of a habit loop. A habit loop refers to the neurological pattern of cue – habit – reward identified by MIT researchers.
The gist of a habit loop is the neurons in our brain fire every time we do an activity. If it is a new activity then there are more neurons firing, creating a path in your brain. If it’s something we’ve done before then our brain becomes more efficient because the neurons follow paths that were already created. Your brain doesn’t have to work as hard. You’ll see this in any skill you’ve learned in your lifetime, it becomes easier the more you practice.
If there is a reward at the end of an activity, then our brain makes it even easier for us to get to the “reward” automatically without thinking (habit!). We do this over and over and over again, seeing the cue, doing the action/feeling the feeling/thinking the thought, getting the reward and all over again – hence the loop.
In my own life, I created a habit loop to start reading my Bible more. My usual routine was to wake-up (cue), make my coffee (habit) and then scroll Instagram (reward).
Instead, I changed my cue to wake-up and start my coffee. Then I had to read my Bible (the habit), BEFORE I could start drinking my coffee (the reward). I created my own habit loop and a healthier habit.
So how do you change the habit loop?
One of the major keys is honing in on the specific cue for a particular habit. You need to identify what actually starts the habit loop.
What are examples of cues in a habit loop?
Some cues are obvious, but others aren’t and require a little more self-awareness. Here’s a list of scenarios maybe you’ve found yourself in before. I help identify the cue and maybe some questions to ask yourself if you’re watching to change your behaviors:
- Your morning alarm goes off. What do you do as soon as you get out of bed? If you check your email or social media, ask yourself if there’s another habit you could put in its place after your alarm goes off.
- You arrive at work. What’s the first action you take when you sit down at your desk? Again, do you check e-mail or go straight to a to do list that you had pending from the night before? Be intentional.
- You walk into the kitchen. Do you reach for a healthy snack or unhealthy snack even when you aren’t hungry? The cue is the walking into the kitchen.
- You go out to dinner and your friend orders a drink. Do you also order one even though you don’t particularly want one? Are you eating dinner in an environment that encourages drinking or is it the person you are with because you want to be social? What’s your cue?
- You are bored and don’t want to clean the house. What do you do when you’re bored? Do you reach for a snack or sit on the couch to turn on a show and say you’ll get to it later, but you never do? Feelings and moods can be cues for habits.
- You yell at your kids when they whine. You’ve been wanting to stop this habit for awhile. Sure, you might think, well, I need to get my kids to stop whining…that’s the cue! But rather than tackle external changes, try to change something within. Ask yourself, when I yell, what was I doing right before then? Was I on my phone trying to send a text or look up a recipe? Was my attention divided and not focused on my child?
The key for all of these good and bad habits is not about pointing a finger, but rather doing self reflection for yourself. I literally have had all of these conversations with myself when trying to identify my own good habits and bad habits and what to do about them.
Cue. Habit. Reward. Repeat it with me! Cue. Habit. Reward.
If you’d like a free habit tracker that helps you identify your cues and rewards for your positive and negative habits, download this one below!
<< Get the Free Habit Tracking PDF right now! >>
What’s the difference between a good habit and a bad habit?
I’ve mentioned this before, but the difference between a good habit and a bad habit is whether or not it benefits your mental, emotional, and/or physical health as well as important relationships with others.
Good and bad are truly different for everyone! That being said, we all live in our countries, states, cities, neighborhoods, and churches with certain social obligations and expectations.
While I certainly don’t think it’s even possible for you to be perfect in meeting all expectations, what’s important is being aware of the expectations set-on you.
Being aware allows you to make a choice for yourself rather than just going with the flow aka a habit because everyone else is doing it.
Why is it important to know your positive and negative habits
It is important to know your positive and negative habits so you can change them. The small choices we make each day add up over time. James Clear even says they make an exponential difference as time goes on, meaning the benefits your reap right away seem slow and small but overtime make a HUGE difference.
While doing 15 minutes of abs doesn’t make a difference today or even show-up tomorrow, continuing to do it every day for 1 year would make a significant difference.
Spending 20 minutes on social media the second you wake-up without thinking, is equivalent to 10 hours on social media for the month!
I don’t know about you, but there are enough things calling my name every day that I don’t want an automatic habit loop that I don’t really care for to take over my time. If I CHOOSE to do it, then great! But I don’t want my habits to control what my life looks like!
Self-awareness and pinpointing your habits are like changing who’s in the driver’s seat. Are your habits driving your life or are you?
There are some awesome advantages of good habits that I’ve found in my life. Here are a few potential advantages:
- Finding time for your hobbies
- Limit decision fatigue
- Get you organized at the beginning of the month
- Build habits that support your goals daily
- Improve your relationships
- Create something new
- Change the direction of your life
- Sleep better
- Better relationships with your family
- More productive at work
While everyone’s specific situation is different, I just want everyone to know that there are some major changes you can create just by making small changes.
List of common good habits
Here’s a list of 100+ habits to track if you’re looking for ideas. But some of my habits I’m tracking this month are:
- Drinking a glass of water everytime I walk into the kitchen (I’m a stay at home mom)
- Working out as the first activity after eating breakfast and getting the kids on the bus
- Practicing the piano with my kids for 15 minutes per day
- Reading a book before going to bed for 15 minutes
- Doing a 10 min ab work-out
- Putting a date night on the calendar at the beginning of the month
List of common bad habits
Here’s a list of bad habits you need to quit right now because they are holding you back (don’t worry, you’re not the only one!)
Making your phone a priority
Not getting enough sleep
Not portioning your food correctly
Eating past 7:30 PM
Skipping breakfast
Multi tasking (but seriously, stop!)
Being overloaded with information and failing to act
Needing everything to be perfect
Drinking caffeine too late in the day
Drinking your calories
Checking your iphone/ipad at dinner
Running errands during rush hour
Social media addiction
Finishing a book you hate just to check it off the list
Worrying about things that could go wrong that you can’t control
Poor posture
Spending too much time looking at a screen
Not filling your cup (putting yourself last)
Wearing headphones while driving
Having a list that is too long
Failing to say no
Shopping on an empty stomach
Checking email too often
Spending too much time/effort to “buy” things
Not making time to play or rest
Not stretching enough
Being pessimistic about everything
Letting fear stop you from doing what you love
Not cultivating gratefulness
Whew, okay, I can tell by looking at that list that social media and technology are HUGE influencers in our life. I’m working hard to control my time on these super useful tools rather than mindlessly focusing on them.
Anyway, that list sort of makes me depressed just looking at it, I’m sorry! I’ll make it up to you by talking about some tips to break those bad habits.
9 Tips and tricks to break bad habits
While I absolutely believe the first step to breaking a habit is identifying it, here are a few follow-on steps to break them for good.
As we’ve already discussed, focusing on cues is a great way to start breaking bad habits, but let’s talk about a few other ways to break bad habits.
1. Change your location
Habits are often centered around locations. It could be rooms in your house, certain restaurants or stores, your parent’s house, etc. If you’re looking to change a bad habit, identify if the location is the trigger and then change it.
For example, I choose to work from a coffee shop because I’m more productive there than at my house, where I’m triggered into other habits.
2. Know your cues and triggers
Speaking of triggers, the best way to break a bad habit is to identify the cue that happens before the habit. A great way to do that is to assess what you do during the day.
Write down every action you take daily for 7 days in a row and see if you notice any patterns. From there, you can decide if there are any cues or triggers you might want to change prior to bad habits.
When I did this, I realized one bad habit was grabbing a soda out of the refrigerator on my way to run errands. I moved the sodas out of that fridge, and voila, no longer triggered into that bad habit.
3. Identify your stress points
Our mood significantly affects how we act, including our bad habits. Identify your stress points during the day, and see if you can set yourself up for success.
When you are in a stressful situation, recognize that, and take a moment to take a deep breath and slow down rather than just reacting.
For example, when your kids are hungry and cranky aka hangry and you’re tired too, have a habit in place to distract and divert them. Be prepared for cranky moods, identify the early signs, and know what actions you want to take during those moody times to minimize unhealthy habits. This is a big one in our house!
4. Identify transition points
Transition points are a great time to start a new habit and break a different one. When you are looking at your daily and weekly habits, notice natural transitions that happen every day.
Create newer healthy habits around those transitions and you will see your unhealthy ones slowly drop away.
Examples of natural transition points are: first thing in the morning, nap time, get home from work, meals, bed time, etc.
Transition points also help my family with our family routines. When the kids first get home from school, before they get settled into playing or snacking, we make sure they hang up their coats, jackets, and backpacks. Also, right before dinner, we have a quick 15-minute clean-up time. We take advantage of the routine to enforce our habits.
5. Remember your goals and the big picture
Having a clear vision of where you want to go, will help you stick out the change. It takes time to really make a good habit stick, especially if you are overcoming a bad habit that has been around for years.
Having a clear vision of where you want to go will give you a little extra boost when you’re feeling unmotivated.
I love creating a 5 year plan of what I want my life to look like. Really imagining what it would look and feel like helps me hold on to my goals better.
6. Ask for someone to hold you accountable
As with most things, declaring your intentions to those around you will give you a little extra boost. For many of us, it’s easy not to follow through for ourselves when times get tough – because hey you know the guy that set the goals.
But when we tell someone else we will do something, we have the added pressure to not disappoint the other person.
For added accountability, ask them how you can help hold them accountable for something.
7. 1% rule of improvement
I love this 1% rule that James Clear mentions from Atomic Habits. I like to think about this as the 52% rule.
If I improve 1% every week, by the end of the year I’ll be 52% improved! That’s a major difference in the long run.
In my life, I really see this applied when it comes to lifting weights at the gym. Each week I add on 3-5 lbs to my lists. It doesn’t seem like much each week, but eventually, I’ve dramatically improved my weights.
8. Trust the process to get to the end goal
I’m so disappointed when I see people around me who quit right before their big break. They don’t trust the process or see that their efforts are making a difference so they just quit.
Trust the process and continue making incremental changes until you get to your goal!
9. Progress not perfection
I love this phrase so much. Lara Casey from Cultivate What Matters says this phrase so often. It is the perfect reminder for a perfectionist like myself.
It’s okay to not get it perfect every time. The key is to get back on and keep on trying. Recognize the progress you have made, reflect on it, and then continue to move forward!
Examples of how I changed bad habits to good habits
These are mostly examples from my life as a stay at home mom that works from home and loves fitness, but I hope they spark some ideas for you!
If you want to:
…drink more water.
Tip: Identify a location like the kitchen. Then set-out a cup to provide a visual cue ont eh counter. Immediately fill up the cup when you see it and drink it right then. Smile as you finish the cup and write it down on a tracker that you drank a cup.
…have a clean home when you go to bed.
Tip: Clean up after bedtime. When I come downstairs after bedtime routine, I go straight to the kitchen and start cleaning for 15 minutes. This is normally enough to help me finish straightening the house before taking a well-deserved rest at the end of the night. If it takes more than 15 minutes, then normally that’s okay.
My biggest hump I had to get over was sitting down on the couch because I would never get back up again until it was too late! My reward is the satisfaction of a tidy home and I LOVE waking up in the morning to a clean kitchen.
…get up earlier in the morning.
Tip: If you’re looking to start a new morning routine, don’t try to go from 8:00 AM to 5:00 AM on the first day. Start with 15-30 minutes and slowly make incremental changes.
My personal reward for getting up is the ability to drink my coffee hot as well as work on writing in peace and quiet, which makes me feel good for the rest of the day! Be realistic and honest with yourself as you’re making changes.
…improve your health.
Tip: A lot like the getting up early example, don’t try to start working out everyday for an hour when you previously were doing nothing. Start with 2-3 times per week of easy activity and slowly working yourself up.
Cue yourself by setting out work-out clothes. Put it on the calendar and protect that time with absolutely no exceptions. Then give yourself a reward after you meet your goals. For me, that’s a massage after I’ve run a half marathon. Or it could be a yummy post-workout smoothie.
Last thing you should know about good habits vs bad habits and how to break them
Pick one area on this list to work on this week and always remember the 1% rule. Your daily habits and actions add up over time. Don’t let your automation get in the way of pursuing what’s actually important to you!
Other Productivity Posts You Might Like to help Simplify Your Life:
How to make the most effective daily to do list for moms
24 Trello Board Examples to Organize Your Home Life