Some gifts are easy to see…
Recently, I was sitting on the back porch watching my husband and son kick around the soccer ball. My 4 year old exuberantly chased the ball and sprinted with his best super speed, the hugest grin on his face to beat his daddy. The simple act of kicking the ball around in the backyard for a few minutes with my husband brought such joy to his whole being.
It’s this joy that I could easily miss if I wasn’t paying attention. It’s this joy that could be easily passed by if I was on my phone or computer. It’s this joy that could be missed because I only thought about the hard parts of motherhood.
It’s this joy (and gift) that I will miss most when I look back at these long days but short years!
Related article: Put down your phone, mama
Of course, with the joys and easily identifiable gifts of motherhood come the hard parts of parenting too. I began to wonder how to be grateful despite the hard parts.
…But sometimes you have to learn how to be grateful
My son doesn’t do it on purpose “yet,” but he knows how to push my buttons that cause my sometimes short temper to flare.
For example, one morning I told him to go upstairs to make his bed. When I went upstairs to check on him, the kids were throwing toys around his sister’s room and making an even bigger mess. I snapped at them both because I was thinking that it would take us that much longer to get the house clean before friends came over.
My tone of voice – the anger – made my son respond back in angry “no,” and he refused to clean any more (because no one likes to be talked to like that, even 4 year olds). This escalated to further yelling, raised voices, and angry words. He finally calmed down and started cleaning, but it didn’t feel like a win!
Afterwards, I slipped to my room to quietly cry and lament about what had happened to my calm demeanor. What was wrong with me? Why did I let him get to me? I’m the bigger person and should be able to control myself better. Yes, I know I was 37 weeks pregnant but hormones and a lack of sleep can’t always be an excuse.
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On learning to be grateful for the hard parts of motherhood
What I realized after yelling at my kids
I realized I needed a mindset change, and I wanted to share this mindset with you, sweet mama. So that you too can be free of the anger and yelling and can live more in freedom as a mom. These two mindsets and practices for being more grateful have helped me be a better mom day to day and to be a little more joyful each day.
Remember the mantra – QTIP
One of the best parenting tips I’ve heard about is cutely shortened “QTIP” or “Quit taking it personally.” Kids don’t do stuff just to spite you. They don’t wake up and say I want to make mom mad this morning. I have to remember that they are still learning to control big emotions and they aren’t just trying to make me mad because I’m me. When I’m tired, I take things more personally.
But I need to keep in mind that my kids need me in those moments of misbehavior, and I shouldn’t take it personally when they don’t behave. They actually probably want to behave and don’t want to disappointment me but are caught up in their emotions. The logical part of their brain hasn’t developed yet, and has literally been shut off because of their emotions. So they aren’t trying to make me mad when they yell at me, but don’t know how to calm down.
If you want to learn more about the topic of brain development for kids, a great book to read is called The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind
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Anyway, a mindset to adopt and repeat is the mantra – QTIP. QTIP. QTIP.
Practice gratefulness daily
I’ve found that when I practice daily gratefulness, I see things differently and am able to be more empathetic. According to a Forbes article, “Gratitude enhances empathy and reduces aggression.” I’ve seen this play out in my life, when I’ve actually taken the time to write out three things I’m grateful for first thing in the morning.
I want to highlight and think about everything I am grateful for as a mother. I want to look as these things both “good” and “bad” as gifts.
I choose to see the hard parts of parenting as gifts of motherhood rather than something to just survive.
I refuse to stand by and let myself wish away these years, I choose to change my mindset to see things differently. And you should, too, mama.
Becoming a better mom is hard
Although during the moment I definitely didn’t want the challenge, I know the battle of wills with my son made me a better mom.
Even though I know he learned a little bit more about listening and obeying. The teaching in that moment wasn’t one way. Our kids teach us more about ourselves than we probably want to know. Our limits and boundaries are stretched, and we grow in both patience and love.
We become better moms.
Mindsets change how motherhood shows up
Motherhood shows up in many different ways in different seasons and to different people. But I think a conscious decision to change your mindset and practice seeing things in a grateful way can alter how we all go about this mom life and parenting our kids.
I can be a better mom when I remember “Q-TIP” and to practice gratefulness every day, even in the hard moments.
I choose to try and see the little moments as gifts. To see each thing, whether it is “meant” to be a positive thing in life, as a gift in one way or another.
This learning to be grateful for the hard parts of motherhood is an everyday practice. Something that must be intentionally worked on.
That’s one of the reasons I love writing this blog. It lets me take a look at the everyday things from many different angles. I learn to appreciate something I hadn’t reflected on before, and I take something positive away from the situation.
Benefits of practicing gratefulness
Practicing gratefulness is something we could all learn from. It is something we could all take a couple of minutes to practice each day to better appreciate what we have.
Practicing gratefulness might not come naturally or easy. It might even feel a little bit “fake” when you first try it. But, like anything, practicing helps over time. It rewires our brains to look at things differently.
Practicing gratefulness rewires the words you use, which means, it rewires how we react to what happens around us.
The many gifts of motherhood
While there is definitely no feeling quite like holding your child for the first time, there are many extra-ordinary, everyday gifts of motherhood that bring joy. Or another way to say it, there are many extra-everyday-ordinary gifts of motherhood.
Sometimes I just have to practice them. I have to reflect and appreciate these gifts. I have to rewire my brain to see them as gifts.
So in an effort to do that, and to share them with you all, here are some of the “gifts” of motherhood that I’ve experienced since becoming a mom! I continue to look for gifts each and everyday.
What are your gifts of motherhood that you could add to this list?
The gift of joy.
The gift of simplicity.
The gift of love.
The gift of passion.
The gift of presentness.
The gift of hope.
The gift of cuddles.
The gift of peace.
The gift of craziness.
The gift of growth.
The gift of learning patience.
The gift of becoming.
The gift of leaning.
The gift of dependency.
The gift of friendship.
The gift of authenticity.
The gift of messiness.
The gift of letting go.
The gift of creative thinking.
The gift of slowness.
The gift of slowing down.
The gift of sweet kisses.
The gift of need.
The gift of art.
The gift of desperateness.
The gift of fulfillment.
The gift of not knowing.
The gift of reflection.
The gift of legos.
The gift of challenge.
The gift of change.
The gift of learning.
The gift of parenting.
The gift of repetitiveness.
The gift of tiny socks.
The gift of change.
The gift of teamwork.
The gift of crayons.
The gift of identity.
The gift of finding a new identity.
The gift of being committed to something bigger than myself.
The gift of service.
The gift of dedication.
The gift of clean baby smell.
The gift of servitude.
The gift of devotion.
The gift of fierceness.
The gift of sweetness.
The gift of corn dogs.
The gift of fierce love.
The gift of adventure.
The gift of wonder.
The gift of life.
The gift of appreciation.
The gift of moments.
The gift of faith.
The gift of cultivation.
The gift of dancing.
The gift of exhuberance.
The gift of twirls.
The gift of laughter.
The gift of songs.
The gift of singing.
The gift of lullabies.
The gift of quietness.
The gift of loudness.
The gift of fullness.
The gift of muddy floors.
The gift of stories.
The gift of chatter.
The gift of nature.
The gift of spontaneity.
The gift of learning self-love.
The gift of grace.
The gift of waiting.
The gift of healing.
The gift of solitude.
The gift of persistence.
The gift of naps.
The gift of homemaking.
The gift of beauty.
The gift of imperfection.
The gift of letting go.
The gift of kindness.
The gift of forgiveness.
The gift of unconditional love.
The gift of extra ordinary love.
If you’re intersted in starting your own gratitude journal.
If you have been struggling with quick anger, ungratefulness, and not being able to appreciate the little moments, I encourage you to start your own gratitude journal.
I loved One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where you Are by Ann Voskamp. It has prompts for every day of the year to think of 3 different things you are grateful for so by the end of the year, you’ve though of 1,000 gifts. You can Buy on Amazon here.
And as always, I recommend buying a cute bullet journal or other journal to write them all down in and reflect. This is my favorite one which you can also grab on Amazon.
Other Posts You May Like:
“Motherhood is extra-ordinary love.”
A letter to my ‘soon-to-be’ middle child
5 Reasons Why You Need a Digital Detox
Simplified Motherhood Blog is a blog for new moms about surviving the first year, being more productive, living a more FULL life, and overall motherhood topics. To receive more encouragement in your inbox, sign-up here! Don’t miss out! Simplified Motherhood will help you be LESS busy and more present to be the BEST mom version of yourself that you can be.
Featured photo by Sandrachile . on Unsplash
2 COMMENTS
A wonderful philosophy for even those of us who are in a later phase of our lives.
Being grateful and practicing gratefulness is definitely applicable in all stages of life – not just motherhood! I agree!
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