14 remarkably simple DOs and DON’Ts to support your…

July 26, 2018September 19, 2025
by Jessica Whitney

Creating intimacy in a long-term relationship can be difficult. The honeymoon period wears off and the little things you were once blind to become blatantly in focus.

But, there are a few ways to support your spouse and stay happy in a long-term relationship that I wanted to share with you.

These DO’s and DON’TS could help you improve your marriage and maintain an intimate relationship with your husband. Really, this relationship advice is great for any couple living together!

Let’s get to it.

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14 remarkably simple DOs and DON’Ts to support your spouse

Why is supporting your spouse important even when you don’t want to?

Learning how to be supportive to your husband (or wife) is key to any successful relationship.

You have chosen a partnership with someone. Because you are choosing to do life with them, you are choosing to love all aspects of them, the good, the bad, the ugly.

I’m not by any means justifying abuse, but what I am encouraging is an attitude of curiosity. Is there a better way I could support my spouse?

While there are always two sides to every coin, the most important first step is to look at yourself first.

Questions to ask yourself to support your spouse better

Before you look to change others – most specifically your spouse – you should look at your own actions and ask yourself a couple of questions.

What can you change?

What simple things can you do to support your spouse?

Each morning when you wake up, ask yourself, how you can support your husband better?

Here are some simple ideas to encourage and support your spouse better:

1. DO compliment your spouse around others.

Whether they hear you or not doesn’t matter. Practice speaking to others about the positive things your spouse does. This will foster gratefulness and encourage appreciation.

2. DON’T make jokes at your spouse’s expense.

I don’t know about you, but some jokes have more truth in them then you really want to convey. Reference #1, and practice complimenting your spouse not making fun of them around other people.

3. DO thank and acknowledge your spouse for everything they do. DON’T just nag on what they don’t do.

This one is especially important if your spouse is a “words of affirmations” person. (Not sure what this is, learn about Love Languages)

4. DO offer support for their job.

Ask questions that show interest but DON’T offer advice unless solicited.

5. DO have your own interests and hobbies outside of your spouse.

Also, give them space to pursue some of their own hobbies too. We all need our own time to pursue something we love. This is part of self-care!

I personally love working on improving myself and some of my bad habits as part of my goal setting and hobbies!

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6. DO give selflessly because you love your spouse rather than because you HAVE to.

This mantra can make a huge difference.

7. DO send notes of encouragement that you’re thinking of the other person.

This is especially important if your spouse travels a lot. Take it a step further than email or text messaging and write a hand-written note.

My husband and I occasionally write “love notes” to each other in a journal that we exchange.

Relataed Post: Journal Prompts to Reset and Find Clarity

8. DO recognize your needs and speak up.

If you’re feeling burnt out, speak up so that you don’t resent your spouse for not realizing. DON’T assume they know something is bothering you. You know what happens when you assume… (if you don’t you can e-mail me… ;))

9. DO make an effort to look nice for your spouse.

If you’re willing to dress up and look your prettiest for strangers at the store, then you should be willing to look nice for your husband even if you just “stay home” for the day.

Remember how you used to dress when you were dating?

Getting dressed helps you be more productive and to show you’re willing to put in a little extra effort for the most important person in your life.

10. DO act like you’re dating.

Flirt, be silly, and as mentioned above, dress to impress.

11. DO greet your spouse EVERY TIME they walk in the door.

Greet your spouse like you would greet a guest. Make an effort to stop what you are doing for a couple of minutes to give your spouse a hug and kiss and ask about their day.

12. DO practice saying “yes” to requests from your spouse.

If you feel like you’re both constantly being accused of “selfishness,” practice saying “yes” to everything your spouse requests.

When all you want to do is go home after a long day of work, and your spouse asks, “Can you pick up lunch meat from the store on the way home?” Say, “Yes.”

After you just sat down on the couch, and your spouse asks, “Can you get me a glass of water?” Say, “Of course, sweetie.”

When you’ve got a long list of to-do items, but your spouse asks, “Can you do the laundry for me today?” Say, “I’d love to.”

Even when it’s inconvenient, try committing to this for a week and see how it can transform your relationship! One yes leads to another which leads to another.

Book Recommendation: We learned about this tip from a young marrieds book called The Most Important Year in a Man’s/Woman’s Life that talks about the first year of marriage. I think anyone in the first 5 years of marriage could appreciate this book. It is Christian based and was great to do as a book with our small group.

13. DO split household duties appropriately.

Feeling imbalanced on home management? Here’s how to visually see if you’re balanced.

Write down all the responsibilities in your home. Then each of you individually writes down who is primarily responsible for each task: husband, wife, or joint.

See any discrepancies on the perception of responsibility between your two lists? Talk about whether you both agree with the responsibilities or if some need to be shifted.

Here are examples of household chores you can share:

grocery shopping
cooking
garbage
lawn maintenance
home repairs
finances
calendar management
laundry
vacuuming
decluttering
dishes
pet care
dusting

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14. DO let go of the little things.

Keeping in mind the big picture is important here. Do the little things really matter in the big scheme of things?

When my husband is home he tends to leave tools and small messes behind him everywhere he goes. I used to get annoyed by the hammer left on my kitchen counter or the random screws left on a bookshelf.

But instead of getting annoyed, I’ve decided to practice gratefulness.

Since my husband travels nearly half the year, I choose to look at those small messes as something else. They are a reminder that he’s HOME.

And I’m thankful my husband is home. I’m also thankful he takes care of home projects when he is home so I keep that in mind too.

To deal with the messes, we do have a system in place to compromise. I put tools I find on his workbench in the garage. It’s not perfect, but it works for us!

What are some other tips for maintaining a healthy relationship long-term with your spouse? I’d love to hear in the comments!

Leave me a message!

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