Many young mothers struggle with their identity and purpose and the pressure of young motherhood, in part, because we as a society never celebrate or close out the end of the childfree era. Our identity as moms becomes a self-identity crisis that I know I’ve struggled with.
Transitions are awkward things. You don’t know what to expect. Others don’t know what to expect from you. You’re moving away from an old stage to a new unknown.
Perhaps you said goodbye on purpose.
Perhaps you are moving into a new era begrudgingly.
Either way, the era is gone and it’s time to move forward.
One of the reasons young motherhood is so hard, in my humble opinion, is because of transition.
Not celebrating our childfree era makes us doubt our identity in young motherhood.
It’s not only the sleepless nights, the hormones, and body changes – it’s also that you are entering a completely new stage of life that will never again go back to the way it was and your identity is threatened.
Your old self and way of identifying yourself and your relationship with the world forever changes.
Anyone who has ever been pregnant for any amount of time, knows that the love felt for a growing being inside of you makes you a mother. That the love felt for an adopted child changes you. That the love felt is unimaginably beautiful prior to it actually happening. I promise you, you can’t imagine the love you will feel once you become a mom.
When you love like a mother, you are forever transformed.
Gone are the mornings when the biggest concern is what to wear to work, or how you will fill the hours of a long-awaited for weekend…having to consider only your schedule or maybe your spouse’s.
Gone are the days of boredom at home or vegging in front of Netflix “again”.
Gone are the days where you can get up and go without any thought of diaper bags, nap schedules, extra outfits, and the next feeding.
Gone are the days when how you treated your body, whether that be through food, sleep, or exercise only mattered to you – and not to someone else as well.
Gone are the days of late nights, carefree, risks only taken with at the expense of yourself. Those childlike days of freedom while sometimes longed for are gone.
To replace the old ways are motherhood days.
As a young mother, a new era begins. It dawns somewhat unexpectedly.
We never truly know what the day will bring until perhaps in the thick of it we look back and wonder where time slipped away.
Sometimes like a quiet river, yourself emerges as a mother. And it is slow and bubbly and one day you realize you don’t recognize the riverbank anymore because you are so far down a new path.
Sometimes it feels more like drowning in a torrent of angry ocean waters – new difficulties and challenges and doubts and anxieties pushing you down relentlessly.
Sometimes it feels like the most joyous thing. The sun never shone so bright. You never felt so much peace before looking at that tiny human being.
Whether your path to motherhood was slow or fast… it was probably awkward.
I think many young mothers struggle with their identity and purpose and the pressure of young motherhood, in part, because we never celebrate or close out the end of an era. We don’t help with the transition.
Because in truth, an end of an era has occurred. And that’s okay.
But we forget to say goodbye to it. We forget to celebrate life before children because we so look forward to the next stage.
We throw a party to celebrate graduation from high school before moving on to college. We throw a bachelorette party prior to a bigger celebration of being unified in marriage. We throw a baby shower, yet never celebrate the childfree life that is ending.
We should celebrate it and recognize all it’s glory and sadness and joy and differentness for what it is. Then, once that is complete for us, we can embrace the new era without looking back.
We can more readily embrace an era that we aren’t sure of. An era that feels awkward and new. Like clothes that don’t quite fit, we have the freedom to try on how motherhood fits for us.
We need to be prepared for the ever-changing landscape of motherhood. As our children grow, as we add more kids to the bunch changing the dynamic, as we lose children, as we lose ourselves and then find ourselves again… we should be the most prepared that we can to be looking forward not back.
Today, I want to celebrate who we were before we became “mama.” As much as I love that name and part of myself, I still celebrate me for me. And I want you to do the same.
You are worth celebrating.
Your past and future. The woman you were and the woman you are becoming.
Let’s celebrate together.