Do you ever feel like you just can’t get everything done that you need to? And life in general just seems overwhelming? Some weeks, I stare at my bullet journal lost in thought because I don’t even know where to start on my to-do list. And on top of that, it seems like I’m failing at supporting my spouse and that I’m neglecting my friends.
Especially during the Christmas season, life gets soooo busy. Running from appointments to Christmas brunches to cookie exchanges to the post office to home again only to collapse in bed at night feeling like “I got nothing done.”
Don’t get me wrong… it’s so much fun! And the delight on my kids’ faces makes it… almost worth it. But here’s the thing…
I LOVE doing. I’m an action taker. I’m a goal setter. I’m a motivator. But I’ve been known to overdo it. To overcommit. To overburden our schedule.
And during those times, when I don’t schedule the time to connect deeply with the ones I love, cuddle with my kids, and breathe, I feel burnt out.
Which is why I’m sharing 8 signs you need to slllooowww down and stop riding the busy train.
At the end I’ll share some guidelines for how you might prioritize your time for the important stuff. I promise you can do it too, mama!
8 Signs You’re Probably “Busy” for the Wrong Reasons
Okay, sweet lady, I have to ask you a few deep questions. Please look in your heart, meditate on it, and ask yourself WHY you’re so busy if it causes stress and pain and overwhelm and depletion. Even 5 minutes might give you insight.
The key questions to ask are: “What are you avoiding by being busy?” and “What is your heart’s desire for the activities you’re doing?”
When I asked myself these questions, I realized I was busy for all the wrong reasons.
I realized I was:
- Extra busy to avoid relationship issues
- Striving for perfection because I was afraid I wouldn’t be loved or seen as I am
- Afraid to slow down because of inner uneasiness at my worth
- Pursuing many friendships but afraid to really let my friends see ME, which meant I never gave the chance for an authentic relationship
- Not saying no – because I disliked conflict and disappointing others
- Displaying FOMO – “Fear of Missing Out” because I wanted to belong
- Not standing up to my principles because I had no established boundaries (aka priorities)
- Projecting an image to seem like everything was okay
Does any of the above sound like you?
I have a heart for moms to help them in overcoming mom burnout, which is why I’m intentionally focusing blog posts on helping you out.
Okay, now that you’ve decided you should probably slow down, you’re probably asking, “Well, what do I do, Jessica? How do I create boundaries and start to slow down?”
Great question. First, watch this 2 minute video.
How to prioritize your time
If you haven’t heard of that quirky professor who asked his students about his jar full of rocks, then watch this quick 2 min, YouTube video (not mine… but awesome!):
Did you love that? You might also love the Daily Firsts Agenda free printable that helps you organize your priorities at the beginning of the day.
When you need to slow down – only spend time on priorities
Every. Single. Activity. Should be evaluated and assigned to a priority level – big rocks, pebble, or sand.
You should spend the majority of your day on the big rocks and pebbles first.
Obviously, this list is NOT all-inclusive and you should use your own discernment to decide what priority fits where. But the general rule of thumb is people are going to be more important than things.
And more importantly, your family will be the most important.
Here are some big rocks that most people find fill them up rather than deplete them.
The big rocks should be:
- Invest in your relationship with your spouse – be proactive not just reactive
- Love and parent your kids – provide for their needs but also prepare them to one day be awesome adults
- Pursue and understand your spiritual walk – whatever this means to you, but for me, it means spending time in the Word, contemplative prayer daily, and reflecting on each day
- Serve others and commit to something bigger than yourself – serving others gives us a perspective to appreciate our own blessings
Time spent on activities below represent the smaller pebbles from the video:
- Fitness/Healthy Living
- Education
- Extended Family
- Work
- Quality friends
You might also be interested in reading how to maintain friendships after a baby!
The sand represents time spent on:
- Social Media (Learn more about the benefits of a digital detox)
- Being right vs. putting the relationship first
- Pursuing material items
- Researching the newest technology
- Binge watching a television show
To minimize sand, I personally delete the Facebook app and turn off all Instagram notifications. I also don’t watch much TV anymore other than with my husband because he likes me too (re: relationships with your spouse). I also like to recycle and resuse items as much as possible to avoid needing to buy new things. Just some tips!
Let go of perfectionism
After you figured out your priorities and started setting boundries, now it’s time to look at how you project on to others.
If you find yourself getting frustrated with others at their lack of attention to detail…
Or maybe you choose to do everything yourself rather than delegate, that way it’s done right…
Or if your to do list is super long and your inner critique tells you, that you’re never good enough so you take it out on others…
You might probably call yourself a perfectionist.
You’re in good company. But as a recovering perfectionist, I often remind myself – that I AM enough despite how I can never quite achieve “perfect.”
And done is often better than perfect.
Practice trusting those around you and learning to let others take the lead instead of projecting your frustration on them. You might be pleasantly surprised at how they do!
Identify Stressors
Finally, it’s important to take a quarterly “Self-Exam”. No I’m not talking about that breast exam you’re supposed to be doing every month.
I’m talking about a self-evaluation on the below topics.
For each one, give a rating from 1 to 5.
1 = Terrible-I’m ready to quit-and-I need to see a professional and 5 = Absolutely-outstanding-no-issues
- The relationship with your husband
- Confidence in personal finances
- Overall health and fitness
- Your ability to raise your kids right
- People in your life you can’t forgive
- Your past is getting in the way of moving forward; you’re carrying baggage
- Too many unmet expectations…either from those around you or yourself
If you’re a 1, in any of these areas, then I definitely recommend seeing professional help and talking about it with your spouse ASAP!
If you’re a 2-4 on any of the categories then the next step is to express your fears and anxieties to your spouse or a friend. Letting those fears into the light can be enough to help you think clearly about how to tackle them!
If you’re a 5, then, please leave a comment because I love to meet 5s! You’re awesome and I want to learn your secret-sauce!
P. S. If you are 2 to 4 on personal finances, then you might like this post about how to create a simple budget and includes a simple budget template.
After you take a self-exam, let me know how it goes!
To conclude, there were 8 reasons you’re pursuing “busy” that you should probably take a hard look at.
To start to slow down, write down your priorities then take off anything on your schedule in the “sand.”
Then let go of perfectionism and rest. Give yourself a little time to deal with those stressors and process! You’ll feel you’re old self returning in no time I hope!
Leave a comment below or send me an e-mail at jess@simplifiedmotherhood.com! I’d love to hear about what resources I might be able to provide to help.
By the way, I cover a TON of topics in my e-mail that address many of the “self-exam” topics. It’s always content that is new and not used on my blog. You’ll learn something new right in your inbox. When you subscribe below, you’ll also receive access to my Freebies Library! Enter your e-mail below if you’d like access!